theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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