are you still at the devil's house?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
