I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
