And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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