he shaved USA in his pubs
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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