you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
