He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
