If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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