Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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