I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
