I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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