dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
