I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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