I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
