its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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