Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
