Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
