new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
