Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
