I will die if light touches me.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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