you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
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Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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