hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I use my feet as sexual weapons
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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