you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
