Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
