i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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