I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
