Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
