Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
