I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
someone threw a dead crab at me
Girls should come with a carfax report
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
