Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
