I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
