the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
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Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
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She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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