My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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