Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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