Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
