This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Found your dick twin last night
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I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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