His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
the raccoons are back...
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