there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
