god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
