Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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