Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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