i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
