We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
