I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
