Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
