I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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