Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
