His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
