You're completely useless in the revolution.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
