What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
