Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
