I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
