honey bunches of taint.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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