I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
