God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
