i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
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I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
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Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You left your phone here
Wait...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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