i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
