Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's blow job season.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
