Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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