The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
a search helicopter?!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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