I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize