i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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