First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
