Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
