we have officially lost it.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
