I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.