Bea Arthur died! :(
Big bird passed.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch