Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday