It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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