Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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