My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
